Gery Moran: “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky”

On July 20th 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. His first words after stepping on the lunar surface were: “That’s one small step for man, one giant step for mankind”. Those words have since become the stuff of legend. However just before he re-entered the lunar module Neil Armstrong made the enigmatic remark: “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky”. Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut but on checking their records, they discovered that there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programmes.

On July 20th 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. His first words after stepping on the lunar surface were: “That’s one small step for man, one giant step for mankind”. Those words have since become the stuff of legend. However just before he re-entered the lunar module Neil Armstrong made the enigmatic remark: “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky”. Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut but on checking their records, they discovered that there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programmes.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky” remark meant but Armstrong never elaborated but simply smiled. On July 5th 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question about Mr. Gorsky to Armstrong. Because Mr. Gorsky had died Neil Armstrong felt he could finally answer the question.

Here is his answer to “Who was Mr. Gorsky?” In 1938 when he was a kid in a small mid-western town, Neil Armstrong was playing baseball in his backyard with a friend... His friend hit the ball which landed in the neighbouring yard just beneath the bungalow’s bedroom window. The neighbours were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Neil heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky: “SEX! You want SEX? You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!” The entire room broke up with laughter. Neil Armstrong’s family confirmed that this actually happened.

Good luck, Mr. Smythers

Staying with sex following are Sex Tips for Husbands & Wives (though wives mostly) written by Ruth Smythers beloved wife of Rev. L.D. Smythers, Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church and published in the year of our Lord, 1894 (Mrs. Gorsky, I feel, would approve)

“To the sensitive young woman the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction but on the negative side there is the wedding night when the bride must face the terrible experience of sex.

Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL GIVE GRUDGINGLY, otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of lust. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man. Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. Indeed most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of revolting practices.

Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness. A wise bride will make it her goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These need not be removed during the sex act, thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed. The bride should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping she should make no sound to guide him in her direction lest he take it as a sign of encouragement. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

When he finds her the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband. If he lifts her gown and attempts to kiss her any place she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the bed and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no further than the waist and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection. She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he’s huffing and puffing. Above all she will never, under any circumstances, grunt or groan while the act is in progress.

As soon as the husband has completed the act the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes done on the morrow. The wife must ensure that there is no peace for the husband after completion, otherwise he might be encouraged to soon try for more.

God forbid, Mrs. Gorsky.