Old Moore’s Almanac
Almanac: An annual calendar usually with astronomical data and other information, eg eclipses, tide times, dates of horse fairs and marts, horoscopes, predictions and lots more.
Old Moore: Theophilus Moore, he ran a classical academy in Milltown (Dublin); a teacher of Irish, English, Greek and Latin, he became famous as a mathematician and a wizard of astrology, gaining the nickname: ‘The Irish Merlin’. He first published Old Moore’s Almanac in 1764.
Old Moore’s Almanac is the oldest continuously published magazine in Ireland. According to the almanac, Theophilus Moore is buried in a Drumcondra Churchyard.
Old Moran: me, myself, I – columnist with this paper for a quarter of a century.
And so to one particular prediction in Old Moore’s Almanac 2020 (cost €5) which caught my eye: Kilkenny to win the hurling All-Ireland. I love it. Only little issue I have with the prediction is that Old Moore has it down for September.
Perhaps old age is catching up on Old Moore. Methinks the Hurling All-Ireland takes place in August. Then again, who is Old Moran to contradict Old Moore?
And so to a few of Old Moran’s predictions for the year ahead: The Smithwick’s Experience will host a mini Beer Festival featuring several local councillors decked out in lederhosen, quaffing tankards of Smithwick’s and singing The Rose of Mooncoin (in German) All in the name of tourism, you understand.
And still in the name of tourism - Bungee Jumping from St. Canice’s Tower. A unique experience funded by Fáilte Ireland. Providing they can get insurance. But don’t hold your breath.
2020 will also see the innovative introduction of Water Skiing on the River Nore. And don’t hold your insurance breath there either.
Siobhán Donohoe, of this parish, lands an interview with one Donald Trump over on a flying visit to Mount Juliet for the Irish Open, courtesy of his one-time golfing partner Rory McIlroy.
Taking a leaf from The ’Comer Wellie Race, the Cat Laughs festival folk will feature a Wet Suit Run – up and down High Street, all contestants to wear wet suits and flippers and laugh out loud.
City Bus will get a bus lane. To facilitate this one side of John Street will be levelled. The Langton House side. With his compensation money, Eamon will buy Kilkenny Castle and turn it into a fabulous, medieval style hotel, offering sumptuous banquets, jousting and cricket in the Castle Park and five-a-side hurling in the Long Gallery on Sunday afternoons.
Vincent Quan to purchase a pub, which will be opened by Pauline MacLynn and called: ‘Quan, Quan, Quan’ (Oh dear).
After hundreds of years, the Hole in the Wall, Kilkenny’s oldest ‘tavern’, is to be repaired, the hole is to be bricked up, giving rise to the new rhyme: If ever you go to Kilkenny/ Try find the hole in the wall/You may look but you won’t find any /’Cause there’s no bloody hole there at all!
Subtitle, our foreign film festival, will feature a film in that unique ‘foreign’ language: Gaeilge
Cartoon Saloon will produce an animated movie called Cody about a Cúchulainn type legendary hurling hero – another Oscar nomination for sure.
And another café will open. Somewhere. In some street. In some part of town.
Meanwhile, as the Christmas excesses are still prevalent, consider the following tips for ‘How to Slim Down’:
‘Rise early in the mornings and use some violent exercise to sweat often; fast much, rise half satisfied from your meals; let your first course be oily and fatty things that the appetite may be soon satiated; the second course sharp - salt and bitter things: eat all your meats with vinegar, pepper, mustard, juice of oranges and lemons.’
All that from the year 1665 in: Artificiall Embellishments by Thomas Jeamson.
Finally, good luck to you all with the diets, the Ring Road runs, nicotine-less days, alcohol free nights and any other New Year’s resolutions you’ve been daft enough to take on. May the road rise with you – but not smack you in the face!
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