This Life by Gerry Moran
This week, some extracts from Valentine columns that I have compiled over the past 25 years.
Define Love? Well, here’s how a group of 4 to 8 year olds defined it when asked the question:”What does love mean?” I love their answers which are sweet, touching, funny and even profound. What’s this they say: ‘out of the mouths of babes’?
“When my granny got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my granddad does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” Rebecca, age 8
“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl, age 5.
“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries.” Chrissy, age 6.
“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny, age 7.
“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” Emily, age 8.
“Love is when you tell a boy you like his shirt then he wears it every day.” Noelle, age 7
“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” Elaine, age 5.
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy all smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.” Chris, age 7.
“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” Mary Ann, age 4.
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” Jessica, age 8.
Finally, and this brought a tear to my eye: Four-year-old Jason’s elderly neighbour had recently lost his wife. Seeing the old gentleman cry, Jason went into the old man’s garden, climbed onto his lap and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the old man, the little boy said: “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”
Knickers in a twist!
Jane was at a dance last night
Her dancing was fantastic
But all of a sudden
she left the hall
You can never trust elastic!
Women on Love
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache
I wanted for the phone to ring and when it didn’t, I knew it was you
No woman is married to the same man long. Because he isn’t the same man long.
Love is a great glue but there’s no cement like mutual hate
It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times with the same person.
The husband who apologises always has the last word in an argument with his wife.
By the time he whispers, “We were made for each other” she’s already planning alterations.
All a married man expects his wife to be is a sweetheart, a valet, an audience and a nurse.
You go your way
And I’ll go your way too.
I’d square for her - I’d tear for her
The Lord knows - what I’d bear for her
I’d leap for her - I’d go without my sleep for her
I’d fight for her - I’d bite for her
I’d walk the streets all night for her
I’d kneel for her - I’d steal for her
Such is the love I feel for her
I’d lie for her - I’d cry for her
But damn me if I’d die for her
Or any other woman!
(Liam Clancy, recited this on television)
‘I do, I do, I do’
And finally - she answered the phone to hear a very repentant voice. “I’m sorry, darling”, he said, “I have thought it over and decided that you can have a BMW as a wedding present and we will move to the house in Killiney immediately, and, okay your mother can move in with us. Will you marry me?” “Of course I will”, she said. “Who’s speaking?”