Meet the Kilkenny foster family who opened their hearts and their home
To mark National Fostering Awareness Month, Kilkenny woman Breda Heary reflects on how fostering has not only changed the lives of the six children she and her husband but has enhanced their own lives too...
You don’t have to look hard to find clues that reveal the true calibre of Breda and Frank Heary, who hail from Clogh, a quaint little village outside Castlecomer, in County Kilkenny.
The animals are the first hint. The four dogs, one cat, five chickens, two horses and six rescue ponies that graze the nine acres of land the couple call home.
Then there’s the thoughtful, care-filled natures of the couple’s two grown daughters, Rebeckah and Aoife, and, of course, the four younger children – all fostered – who the couple took into their home over the course of the past 15 years.
The clincher, though, is when you hear Breda (49) speak about her fostering journey and how she and Frank (53) came to open their hearts and their home in the name of love.
For Breda (49), that journey began when she was just five weeks’ old and became a foster child herself.
“My birth mother was unable to look after me,” Breda explained. “She had multiple children – every one of us fostered. I never felt like I was a foster child, though… Rose was my social worker, but I never knew her as anything but ‘Rose’, who dropped by from time to time.”
Later, as an adult, Breda managed to connect with some of her own siblings, which in-turn led to an amazing coincidence.
“One of my half-sisters tracked me down and reached out, and we’re still in touch. She even found a brother of mine who just happened to live close by and who was working for my mother-in-law!”
As they say, you couldn’t make it up...
Eight years after being fostered, another milestone was added to Breda’s fostering journey.
“I remember us travelling to Dublin in a blue Ford Escort and stopping somewhere around Merrion Square. Can you imagine… I’d never been in a big city before. We went into a big room, and there were a lot of people around a table.
“I didn’t know what was going on. The next I remember going down these big steps and Dad hugged me. ‘You’re finally ours,’ he said. That was the day I was adopted. We went to Roches Stores afterwards and I was bought a red and white polka-dot dress. Then we went to McDonalds to celebrate.”
Breda’s adoptive parents would go on to adopt another child two years later, and have two children of their own, one of whom had cerebral palsy and who died aged six-and-a-half when Breda was in her teens.
It was, she says, the experience of caring for her young brother that led to Breda becoming a foster carer herself.
Daughters Rebeckah and Aoife were 14 and 11 when Breda and Frank took the two siblings into care, aged one and two years’ old at the time.
Fifteen years later and the family are in the process of formerly adopting those two young people.
The family was added to again in 2023, when they fostered an infant, who is still with them.
Then, last year, they took in an 11-year-old girl as an emergency placement. A year later, and now she too is part of the Heary household.
Fostering is a big commitment for the entire family, so everyone is involved in discussions if any children come into the home.
“We are a very open family; that’s very important when fostering. There are no secrets, and the children are told what they’re able to hear.”
Breda says the couple’s two daughters have always been there to lend a hand.
What you realise very quickly is that it’s the small everyday things that matter most. If you can offer a child stability, kindness and a sense of belonging, that’s enough to make a real difference...
“Rebeckah and Aoife surprise me every day. They have been our biggest support,” she says. “In fact, both Aoife and Rebeckah have expressed a strong interest in being a foster carer.”
The sisters both recognise the value that fostering can bring…
“Growing up in a fostering home just feels normal to us,” says Rebeckah. “Mam and Dad created a house full of love and openness.”
Aoife agrees, saying that “we see first-hand how much a stable caring environment can mean to a child.”
That commitment to helping others has its roots not only in having Breda and Frank as parents, but also in Breda and Frank’s own upbringings.
“My parents gave me the best life possible – a very normal, nourishing life. Giving a child a normal, safe place to grow up in is what sets you up for the future,” she says.
Sharing that fostering journey with Breda has been Frank who she describes as “a very caring and understanding husband, and a brilliant father”.
“We are not experts; we are just a normal family who chose to open our hearts and door,” says Frank. “But what you realise very quickly is that it’s the small everyday things that matter most. If you can offer a child stability, kindness and a sense of belonging, that’s enough to make a real difference.”
And it looks like that journey isn’t over yet for the couple, given the rewards the Clogh woman enjoys from what she does.
“Fostering makes me complete – it gives me a sense of joy, and we do get the support we need. We have the most amazing link worker, Karen, our support person, Noeleen, who are just a phone call away if I need to contact them.”
National Fostering Awareness Month
For National Fostering Awareness Month, Tusla Fostering – Ireland’s fostering agency - is seeking foster carers from all walks of life across Ireland to help ensure
young people can stay connected to their communities.
Living with a local family will ensure the young person can maintain important connections with their friends, sports, school, and community, and reach their full potential.
There are many misconceptions around who is, or isn’t, eligible to foster.
Tusla’s National Lead for Fostering, Jacqui Smyth, says Tusla Fostering welcomes applicants and enquiries from all backgrounds to provide foster care, which comes in a variety of forms, from short-term respite care to relative care and long-term.
We’re just a normal couple, who have opened our home and our hearts...
“It is really important that the pool of available foster carers is as diverse and unique as possible because the needs of every child differ,” she explains.
“Right now, in every part of Ireland there is a need for foster carers. Children come into care from every socio-economic group, across religions and cultures, across rural and urban communities throughout our country. Every child deserves the chance to live in a home within their own community.
“At Tulsa Fostering, our focus is to support foster carers and encourage people to consider becoming a carer for a child who is unable to remain at home. We do this through a spectrum of support for fostering families. We collaborate closely with stakeholders and colleagues to innovate and advocate for children and families in the foster care system.”
Adds Breda: “I hope my story shows that we’re just a normal couple, who have opened our home and our hearts. I do hope people will pick up the phone and make an enquiry, or if people know me, just come up to me and ask questions. All you need is to have a big heart, be non-judgmental and be willing to give.”
To learn more about becoming a foster carer with Tusla Fostering, visit fostering.ie, call freefone 1800 226 771 or email [email protected]