Mastering the language - tough, bough, cough and dough!

I was in primary school and had just finished a spelling test when our teacher told us that the English language is one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn.

We didn’t believe him. Sure we all spoke it fluently (ah, you know what I mean) and couldn’t see any difficulty whatsoever with it.

Today I know exactly what our teacher meant.

The following are two ‘poems’ that exemplify the vagaries, and intricacies, of the English language and how challenging it can be for those trying to learn it.

By the way, do kids do spelling tests anymore?

Can kids spell anymore? Or has texting put the kibosh on spelling along with the English language? Just asking.

Pronunciation Poem

I take it you already know

Of tough and bough and cough and dough?

Others may stumble, but not you

On hiccough, thorough, laugh and through

Well done! And now you wish, perhaps

To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word

That looks like beard and sounds like bird

And dead – it’s said like bed not bead

And for goodness sake don’t call it deed

Watch out for meat and great and threat

(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt)

A moth is not the moth in mother

Nor both in bother, broth in brother

And here is not a match for there

Nor dear and fear for bear and pear

And then there’s dose and rose and lose

Just look them up, and goose and choose

And cork and work and card and ward

And font and front and word and sword

And do and go and thwart and cart

Come, come I’ve hardly made a start

A dreadful language? Man alive

I’d mastered it when I was five!

Plane English

Eye halve a spelling chequer

It came with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue

Miss steaks eye kin knot sea

Eye strike a key and type a word

And weight for it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

It shows me strait a weigh

As soon as a mist ache is maid

It nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite

Its rare lea ever wrong

Eye have run this poem threw it

I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter perfect awl the weigh

My chequer tolled me sew.

Beautiful words

In 2004, the British Council polled 7,000 people in 46 countries asking what they considered to be the most beautiful words in the English language.

Here’s a selection from that poll:

mother; smile; flabbergasted; serendipity; lullaby; gorgeous; tickle; umbrella; cherish; tranquillity; smithereens; extravaganza; galaxy; gazebo; bliss; blossom; banana, bumblebee; lollipop; loquacious.

Finally, feel free to draw up a list of your own most beautiful words.