'Everything I’ve been holding inside me’: Andrew Porter opens up in emotional Late Late Show interview

The Ireland and Leinster rugby star Andrew Porter joined Kielty to promote his new autobiography ‘Heart On My Sleeve’ in the latest episode of the Late Late Show. 

He featured in the star-studded line-up alongside Miriam Margolyes, Emma Doran, Rick Astley and more who joined host Patrick Kielty in the studio. 

In his autobiography, he wrote about his struggles following the death of his mother from cancer when he was just 12, and how he subsequently developed an eating disorder. 

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Andrew admitted to Kielty that Porter he “can’t remember” when she was first diagnosed. 

However, he does remember family holidays to Brittas Bay which he has recently recreated with his family, bringing wife Elaine and son Max there. 

Speaking on the holiday he said: ““We were down there recently, we have a holiday home down there, and it was the first time we brought Max down. I always love bringing Elaine, my wife, down there as well because it’s such a special place, it holds such a special place in my heart because it’s that one place where I never felt anything else but happiness because I was always with my family. It’s a special place to me to be able to bring our son, Max, and to bring my wife down there and to remake those memories.” 

He opened up about the lasting impact his mother’s death had on him. Speaking about her funeral, Porter explained: “I carried that with me for years. Being only 12, I put a lot of pressure on myself at that moment. Everyone was paying their respects, saying goodbye, doing that grown-up thing. But I couldn’t bring myself to walk up and see her like that because I didn’t want to.”

“Now, I try not to look back with regret. I’m kinder to myself and use it as a way to move forward rather than dwell on the past.” he added. 

Following her death, he explained that his mental health struggles took a serious toll, leading to him developing an eating disorder. 

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During the interview, Patrick showed a photo of Porter from that time, and the Ireland and Leinster star admitted he barely recognizes himself in it. 

Andrew expressed this is because: “It was everything I’d been holding inside me for years, I was always a bigger kid, not unhealthy, but probably that, combined with the loss of my mother, was the catalyst.” 

He explained how the huge changes in his life, along with the insecurities of being a teenager, manifested into an eating disorder.

“It wasn’t just that I avoided certain foods,” Porter explained. “I stopped eating altogether for periods of time. My dad would do everything for me, he’d make my school lunches and my dinner and everything like that.

“By the time I got to school, it felt like I was in control,” he said. “I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, trying to figure things out for myself — which is incredibly hard when you’re that young.”

As he revealed in his book, his struggles got to the point he was having suicidal ideations. 

He spoke on this period of his life as: “I see the contrast in the person I was and the person I am now. It's tough to pinpoint an exact moment where I was just like, ‘here, look, this needs to change’.” 

Porter credited him being able to overcome these struggles to the love and support he received from his family, saying: “It was always my family, and it was always rugby, as well. My family loved rugby, and my dad always knew I wanted to play rugby from when I was a young boy up to now. He'd always bring it back to that. He was like, ‘if you want to fulfill your dreams of becoming a rugby player, you need to be eating the right food’.” 

Andrew finished by saying: “It was my dad and my two sisters at the time and my extended family. I could see exactly what I was doing to them. I didn’t even realize my family were there the whole time and they just wanted the best for me all along.” 

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