The following email arrived in my inbox last week, the sentiments of which I totally concur with (it would be rather difficult not to at my age)
Here’s what it said: ‘At my age I really don’t give a damn anymore. I mean if walking was good for your health the postman would be immortal, a whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and lives only 15 years or so. While a tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise! I don’t think so. Lord, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered: I started out with nothing and I still have most of it
My wild oats now are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran
I finally got my head together but now my body is falling apart
If ‘all is not lost’ then where the hell is it?
It was a whole lot easier to grow older than wiser
Some days you’re the top dog; other days you’re the lamppost
I wish the buck really did stop here, I could sure use a few of them
Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat cause kids
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere
The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom
If God wanted me to touch my toes He’d have put them on my knees
When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess
It’s not hard to meet expenses….they’re everywhere
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth
These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what am I here after?
Phone Call Durations
And another little email whose veracity I concur with. Boy to Boy: 00.00.58. Boy to Mother: 00.00.45. Boy to Dad: 00.00.20. Boy to girlfriend: 01.13.59. Girl to Girl: 02.35.20. Mother to Married Daughter: 03.05.15. Husband to wife: 00.00.15. Wife to Husband: 12 Missed Calls!
Answer me this!
And so – a wee quiz, though it’s not really a quiz as in a test of one’s general knowledge which is what quizzes are about.
This ‘quiz’ demands particular knowledge. Very particular knowledge. Get three or more of these questions correct and I will declare you a genius. Others might not but I will.
And while I’m at it fair dues to Eamon Corcoran for running a regular on-line quiz throughout lockdown, and fair dues to Dolly Walsh who is as smart as a whip when it comes to answering.
By the way I knew the answer to one - one! - of the upcoming questions. And even at that, although I knew the answer I couldn’t for the life of me recall it.
A common occurrence these days. And so to the ‘quiz’.
What do you call the following:
1 The space between your eyebrows
2 The way the air smells after rain
3 The plastic, or metallic, coating at the end of your shoelaces
4 That rumbling in your stomach when you’re hungry
5 What do you call the cry of a newborn baby
6 The prongs on a fork?
7 What do you call the day after tomorrow
8 The space between your nostrils is called?
9 Combining an exclamation mark with a question mark (e.g.!?) is called?
10 Illegible hand-writing?
11 The condition of finding it difficult to get out of bed in the morning 12
What do you call the wire cage that holds the cork in a bottle of champagne?
13 The dot over an i is called?
14 What’s the name given to your tiny toe or little finger?
15 Finally what do you call that sick feeling you get when you eat, or drink, too much?
Challenging or what? And I don’t think anyone will deny the title of Genius to those who answered three or more.
Answers: 1 Aglabella. 2 Petrichor. 3 Aglet. 4 A wamble. 5 A vagitus. 6 Tines. 7 Overmorrow. 8 Columella Nasi. 9 An interrobang. 10 Griffonage. 11 Dysania 12. An agraffe. 13 Tittle. 14 Minimus. 15 Crapulence. Oh, and aren’t you glad I’m not running an online quiz – I’d be run out of lockdown!