28 Jun 2022

New Year Resolutions and Auld Lang Syne

New Year Resolutions and Auld Lang Syne

It’s that time of year again, folks, time to take stock of time, time to look back at what we’ve achieved (if anything) and time to look forward to the glorious prospects ahead (if any).

Time to wish each other a happy new year and sing in alcohol induced strains, with arms flailing around each other, ‘Auld Lang Syne’ the words of which nobody knows apart from a few iffy lines.

And even they’re iffy!

Time to put on the monkey suit and go ape at some ball or dinner dance, or other. Time to make resolutions (‘which should be taken with a grain of salt – and two aspirins’) Time to forgive and forget. Time to bury the hatchet (in someone new!). Time to wage war on your weight, your drinking, your smoking, your gambling, your entire way of living.

New Plans for Old Habits

Time to make new plans for old habits, bad ones, that is. Time to kick them – to death? How cruel! Or it might be if bad habits weren’t so invincible and resilient and totally immune to kicking and whatever type of violence you wish to perpetrate against them.

Yep it’s time to renew our membership of the gym, time to lift weights, swim lengths. Time to walk the roads, run the roads.

Time to purchase yet another self-help book. Time to be mindful. Time to do pilates, take up yoga. Time to quit this. Time to quit that. Time to quit quitting, I say. Time to stop deluding ourselves that we will change. ‘Yes, we can’ is our motto – ‘But, no we can’t’ is the reality.

Change Spots

If the leopard cannot change its spots it stands to reason that human beings cannot change being human i.e. prone to imbibing pints of porter, to putting on weight, to plopping on the couch in front of the TV (with a glass of wine and a tube of Pringles) to placing a few bets on the gee-gees, to playing Bingo.

And that’s all fine in moderation. But, hey, there’s no fun in moderation. Speak for yourself, says you.

And you’re right. That’s just me. And I’m not being negative. Oh yes you are. Oh no I’m not (it’s time for the panto too I should add) I’m just being realistic. I’m only human! ‘I’m just a woman’ (well a man in this case) to quote the song.

Now here’s my kind of human being, my kind of person (and I know this person well and I know that they will renew their habits come the New Year) ‘My habits include long scrolls down my phone, talking to my pets, binge watching Netflix, singing in the shower, staying in my PJs too long, being tired all day then not sleeping at night, drinking everything but water, ordering stuff on line, reading about new diets while eating cake and making lists of things I will never do.’

Way to go H. Way to go. And here’s a quote I’m rather fond of (not least because it reflects my line of thinking) ‘Maturity is when you realise that the New Year won’t change your life.’ Guess I’m mature then! Sort of.

Keeping a diary

On a more civilised level – it’s also that time of year to start a diary if such a practice exists anymore.

And you know what they say about diaries these days? ‘Once upon a time people kept diaries and got mad if others read them.

Today, people post everything on Facebook and get mad if people DON’T read it.’ Ah, we’re a gas species entirely.

And okay, enough negativity, here are some points to ponder as we head into the New Year – not my points, I hasten to add, but points that were pointed out to me. Are we ready? Sit down, put the feet up, open a bottle of something (perfume will do) and ponder the following:

Forgive your enemy – but remember the bastard’s name * Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in the back of a Mercedes than in a back lane * Help someone when they’re in trouble and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again * Many people are alive today only because it’s illegal to kill them * Alcohol does not solve any problems but then again neither does milk.

Finally – what does the New Year hold in store for us all? 365 opportunities, that’s what. Positivity at last! Oh no it’s…Oh yes it is. Oh yes it is.

Happy New Year everyone.

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