Love filled memories - characters come alive in the words of obituaries

A few years ago I took out a digital subscription to a well known, international newspaper. It was prompted by my feeling that as a newspaper reporter I should put my money where my mouth is and support good journalism. But I also wanted something a little bit different to the titles I read (on paper and online) on a regular basis.

So the New York Times it was. In hindsight, as a dedicated Wordle-doer, it was a good call. And I’ve been sucked in to the daily crossword too. I’ve always had an interest in US politics, and my subscription gives me access to the wonderful food and recipes section.
What I didn’t expect to count as a ‘bonus’ feature was the obituary section.

It’s far from a morbid curiosity about how someone died, but I find myself going to the obituary section with regularity. I obviously don’t know these people, in most cases I haven’t even heard their names before, but their life stories are written with care and eloquence and they have in common that they all made a significant contribution to the lives of others.

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From presidential speech writers to musicians from the 60s, an actor who survived a concentration camp in his youth and went on to star in a TV show set in a prisoner-of-war camp, a costume designer for Disney rides, an astronomer and a Chinese political reformer — we read obituaries for the anecdotes, the life stories, the memories.

Yes, they are other people’s memories, but there’s a quote attributed to everyone from the ancient Egyptians to Banksy that I think of when I read these obituaries: “They say you die twice. Once when you stop breathing and the second, a bit later on, when somebody mentions your name for the last time.”
In some parts of the world being an obituary writer is a respected profession. There is even a Society of Professional Obituary Writers.

The tradition of writing obituaries probably goes back to the origin of writing, and was certainly a feature of ancient Roman life.
Certainly newspapers have carried obituaries since they began to be published, and today those older obituaries play an important role for family history researchers.
Writing an obituary for a newspaper might not be as common as it once was, but the tradition of remembering people through the written word continues on blog posts and online social media sites.

In Ireland we have a wonderful tradition of remembering people after they have gone. We don’t need to have lists of world-altering achievements to be worthy of an obituary, or even a professional obituary writer.

Here, in the Kilkenny People, I have read about local people I haven’t met but whose lives are given colour on the pages. Friends and family write about the mother who went above and beyond to run a household with love, who encouraged her children in their own dreams in life and who adored her grandchildren. We read about the farmer who had friends across the country because his love of the land took him and his prize-winning animals to agricultural shows in many counties.

There are those who long-ago moved away from a homeplace but are remembered fondly for their summer visits home every year, and those who may have been ‘blow-ins’ but were welcomed into a new community and whose loss is now keenly felt.

Modest people who never shouted about their achievements in life, but will be remembered for the kind and thoughtful things they did for others. Older people, whose lives, we read, were so different to ours, and young people, who were bursting with potential and dreams.

Community leaders, neighbours, friends, parents, brothers and sisters. Each, in their own way, touched the lives of people around them and, with their passing, have left sadness but, also, rich, love filled memories.

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So no, it’s not morbid to read an obituary. It’s a heart-warming reminder that we all have our place in the hearts of people we meet in our lives, and maybe, if we’re lucky enough, when we’re gone someone will take the time to tell others about us, too.