New booklet launched in Kilkenny will help lift secrecy around domestic abuse

Kathleen Chada has a vision of a future where her nieces and nephews live in a safer world. A world where they have the confidence to speak out about domestic violence, where they know how to spot the ‘red flags’ in a relationship, and where no family ever has to face the heartbreak she has.

On July 29, 2013, Kathleen’s husband Sanjeev killed their two little boys Eoghan and Ruairi. Today she accepts that amidst their mostly normal family life lurked an evil, and that she was a victim of domestic abuse. But accepting that has been a journey for her.

Speaking in Kilkenny, on Monday, Kathleen described how now, after 10 years of reflection and support, she can see there were ‘red flags’ in her relationship with the man she loved. Because domestic abuse isn’t just about physical violence, it can take many forms, including coercive control or verbal abuse.
She wants society to take the secrecy from the subject of domestic abuse, so that we can talk about it and, if needed, know how to ask for help.

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Kathleen was in Kilkenny to help launch the Kilkenny Domestic Abuse booklet on information, emergency and support services.
Telling her story, Kathleen said domestic violence is a huge problem in society, but it is hidden. This is changing, but not fast enough. Statistically, she said, she knows domestic violence is happening in homes around hers, to people in her work place, but she doesn’t know what is going on or with whom. We can’t see it and that is why we need to speak out, she told the room of men and women from the support services in Kilkenny.

Ten years ago Kathleen was living a ‘normal’ life. She didn’t know her husband had a gambling addiction. And then he murdered their children.
As she told stories of times in their relationship she now knows were warning signs, Kathleen said: “I’m telling you this because I considered myself a sensible, professional person. I loved him and I didn’t want to rock the boat.
“Coercive control, gaslighting, manipulation were all there, and now I see it.” She stressed that anyone who abuses their children or partner is responsible for their own actions.

Kathleen said she knows she can’t bring her boys back, but by speaking out she hopes to change the future for all young people. To empower them and give them the confidence to see the signs early in a relationship.

Produced by the Kilkenny Domestic Abuse Action Network (KDAAN), the booklet contains contacts for everyone from the local gardaí to family resource centres, TUSLA, the Courts Service, child protection services, legal aid and many more.

A lot of consideration was given to how the booklet should look. It is credit card sized to easily fit in a wallet or handbag and contains comprehensive information.
One of its important features, for everyone, is explaining how to recognise the hand gesture that has become the international symbol for someone who is experiencing domestic violence and needs help.

Garda Inspector Alma Molloy said the theme of this year’s 16 Days of Action Against Domestic Violence is ‘uniting’ and in that spirit statutory, voluntary and support bodies came together to produce this valuable resource.
One in three women are affected by domestic violence, she said. We all know someone. In Ireland there are 126 garda callouts to domestic violence incidents every day. The garda computer system recorded more than 25,000 reports of domestic violence incidents in July.

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Inspector Molloy welcomed the new legislation which strengthens the laws dealing with domestic violence, as well as including ‘new’ offences like stalking and non-fatal strangulation, all of which they know are part of domestic violence.
She said gardaí are now very well trained to deal with domestic violence, they show empathy and respect, as do the legal and court services. A Garda Divisional Protective Services Unit (DPSU) was set up in Kilkenny in 2018.

Jean Murphy, from Amber Womens Refuge, explained KDAAN was first set up in 2020 and now has a membership of 19 organisations in Kilkenny.
Over the past number of years there has been a huge rise in domestic violence against women, Jean said, and in the last year alone Amber has had nearly 1,200 enquiries about their services.

Eileen Dillon, Newpark Close Family Resource Centre, said KDAAN had allowed all groups working in the domestic violence area to get to know each other and each bring their own expertise and knowledge to the group.
Speakers included also Caitriona Kirwan, divisional support liaison officer with TUSLA, and Leigh Ann Ryan Culleton from CYPSC.