'I was raped by my cousin': Young Irish man tells his story to help others

Dylan Gallagher, who was raped as a child by his cousin, tells his story to encourage others to speak out. The Mayo News met with Gallagher and gave him the opportunity to share it in his own words. 

Here is Dylan speaking about the incident and how it changed his life:

"When I got to the age of 12 or 13 I began to realise what had happened. There was terrible pain, and I didn’t know how to get rid of it. When you’re a child and you’re told to keep a secret, you think it’s the best thing to do – but it’s not, believe me. The truth will always come out in the end.

"Things were jumbled up. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t know what to do. I thought I might be made fun of, if people knew, but that wouldn’t have been the case at all.

READ: 'Very concerning' - Irish government reacts to Trump's vow to make Gaza 'Riveria' of Middle East

"I started drinking on Paddy’s Day when I was 14. It was very young, but I wanted to try and feel better about myself. I was keeping all these feelings inside. I couldn’t be myself, holding a secret like that.

"As the years passed I would be out all weekend drinking and mess-actin'. I might go out on a Friday and not come back ’til Sunday. I’d be gone all weekend and wouldn’t be around to help Dad on the farm or anything like that.

"I missed days at school and college. I couldn’t get up and face the world. I was drinking to get rid of the pain, and everything was a mess.

"My mother always knew there was something eating away at me, but I kept denying it. She would sit on my bed time after time and ask me to go to counselling. She did that for years.

"The best thing that kept me going through it all was football. I was captain of the underage teams in Islandeady, and I was fairly handy back in the day, so that was the one thing that kept me going through it all. If I hadn’t had football I’d have had nothing at all to look forward to, and I don’t think I’d be here today," Mr Gallagher concluded. 

Deciding to tell

"I was never going to tell. I was always in denial, but the same thing happened a cousin of mine, Danielle [Gallagher], and she gave me the courage to come forward. If she hadn’t spoken, I wouldn’t have had the courage myself. [Ms Gallagher also waived her right to anonymity when her cousins, Aidan Gallagher and Thomas Gallagher, were convicted of sexually assaulting her as a child.]

"I was out on Christmas Eve (2019) and everyone was happy and excited, but I was in a bad way. I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

"It was two or three o’clock in the morning, and when I came home Mam and Dad were sitting on the couch. They’re never usually up that late, and if they weren’t up I mightn’t have told them. It was meant to be. I stood there crying and got the words out. They believed me straight away and sat me down on the couch, one each side of me. We stayed there til six o’clock in the morning, talking.

"We spoke about it again over the next few days. We had a proper chat about it and Mam told my siblings. I couldn’t tell them myself. It was too hard.

"My family are great people. You couldn’t ask for better. They’ve been with me every step of the way and we get on so great.

"Some time later I went to the guards. That was daunting too, but they were great every step of the way. After I reported it, I came out of the Garda Station that night and met a couple of my best friends. They hadn’t a clue why I wanted to meet. I told them all straight out. That wasn’t easy, but when I told them I felt a lot easier. They were shocked and had tears in their eyes. I could trust them because they were always very good to me," the Mayo man shared. 

Court

"It was tough. You never think you’ll be there. The jury were sworn in, and the court started on the Tuesday morning. I was brought into the witness box on Thursday. I gave my evidence, then the defence team began cross-examination. That was tough, but it was fine. The defence barristers are there with just one aim – to catch you out. But you can’t catch someone out that’s telling the truth.

"You can’t be ready for it [being in court]. You just have to go with the flow. The defence barrister tried everything to catch me out, but I was telling the truth. I hated the sight of him and I still do, and the junior barrister too, but I know they were doing their job.

"It was tough in court. I looked into space for most of it, and there were times when the tears came and I had to leave for a while.

"After a few days all the evidence came to an end, and waiting for the verdict wasn’t easy. You know the truth, but you just don’t know what’s going to happen.

"Mam and Dad were each side of me. The clerk read out the verdict. It was unanimous ‘guilty’ – all 12 [jurors]. That was vindication. As I always say, the truth comes out in the end."

READ MORE: 'Very concerning' - Irish government reacts to Trump's vow to make Gaza 'Riveria' of Middle East

Waiving anonymity

"From day one, I was going public. I wanted to help others. It was tough, but I was determined to go ahead because it would help me help as many people as possible.

"I’ve never regretted it for a second. I’m so happy now that I took that decision. If I can help just one other person talk about what happened them, then my job is done.

"My family came out and stood with me on the steps of the court, but they didn’t have to. I would have understood if they weren’t able to do that, but they stood with me there. The six of them are so strong and so good to me.

"I drove home from Dublin that evening because I didn’t want to look at the phone. There were messages flying in as soon as it broke on the news, and I didn’t really know what to expect. I didn’t know what the response would be, but it has been amazing.

"Today, I’m very happy I did what I did [decide to waive anonymity]. I don’t think I’d have been able to heal and wouldn’t be as happy as I am now if I had kept it quiet. I would have got justice, but I wouldn’t have been able to help people as well as I have been.

"It’s early days yet. It’s just three or four months since the sentencing, and I have been very good, but I’ve been told to expect that there will be bad days too.

"Just because the court is over doesn’t mean I don’t think about it – not every day, but now and again. Thankfully, it’s not as bad as it used to be, because the stress of waiting for the court isn’t there any more. My main aim is to help others. That’s the reason I went public."

Counselling

"A few years ago you wouldn’t hear of a lad going to counselling, but today I know loads of lads who go to counselling for all sorts of different reasons.

"Anyone who asks me for advice I tell them to definitely go and get counselling. Don’t be afraid to tell your story. You can go and talk to counsellors. They won’t tell anyone. They’re confidential.

"The stress and the weight that comes off your shoulders when you tell someone is something else. It’s not easy at first, but you won’t regret it."

Learnings

"One of the many things I've learned is the benefits of exercise in stressful times. When times were tough, waiting for the court and things like that, I wasn't in a good place. I didn't feel good about myself and put on a lot of weight.

"I contacted two personal trainers, David and Michael Kennedy from Cork, and they've been great. They kept me strong physically and mentally and I would recommend that to anyone in a bad place as it's extremely helpful and keeps the head in a positive place."

Helping others

"Numerous people have been in contact saying they’ve got the courage to speak out because I’ve told my story. They tell me of the relief they feel. It’s great to hear things like that.

"I didn’t want to be in this situation, but I want to use what happened to me in the most positive way possible and move on with my life. I want to help others and tell them it’s okay to talk."

For everyone in need of support, the Mayo Rape Crisis Centre operates a local Helpline: Call 1800 234 900. Or 24/7 National Helpline: Call 1800 778 888.

READ: Part 2 - 'I don't regret it' says Mayo man who went public about his rape